St. Lawrence the Martyr In-Home Pre-Cana Program

Congratulations on your engagement! Planning your wedding begins by contacting the rectory at least 6 months prior to your intended date—call (631) 589-0042 x 110—so that you can arrange an in-person interview with one of our priests or our deacon. In the course of that meeting, he will point out that one of the principal requirements for celebrating marriage in the Church is some form of marriage preparation, often referred to as “Pre-Cana.”

What exactly is Pre-Cana? Simply put, Pre-Cana is an experience of preparation for engaged couples who are readying themselves to celebrate the sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church.

Cana is the name of the town in which Jesus famously performed the miracle of turning water into wine; see John 2:1-11. Pre-Cana is therefore a way of referring to the time before the actual celebration of your wedding.

The idea is to give yourselves a focused, reflective, engaging experience of planning and preparation before you actually arrive at your wedding day. The Church’s concern isn’t so much with the details of the celebration—gowns and flowers, menus and music—but with ensuring that your hearts are prepared as well as they can be for exchanging your vows and entering into this sacred covenant together. Our parish-based program is an informal 6-8 hour experience, spread out over several sessions. You will meet in the home of a married couple from our parish, and in the company of a small group of other engaged couples.

Pre-Cana is not meant to be another “hoop to jump through,” but is intended to facilitate open and thoughtful conversation about some of the more important topics you will face as a married couple. During the in-home sessions, you will spend time discussing spirituality and faith, communication skills, conflict resolution, finances, intimacy, children and parenting, commitment, becoming a “domestic church,” and many other important topics. See your marriage preparation process as an opportunity to look ahead to your new life together, to make sure you are on the same page as a couple, and to become even more ready to begin this exciting journey as one.

How to sign up?

When you meet with one of our parish priests or deacon, he will give you a form to complete which explains the options you have for marriage preparation, one of which the in-home Pre-Cana experience here at St. Lawrence (there are other options too). You will have an opportunity to indicate your choice by completing this form. If you opt for our in-home Pre-Cana experience, someone from our Pre-Cana team will contact you with more information.

FOCCUS Self-Assessment Tool

FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding, and Study) is a self-assessment tool to help you learn more about yourself and your future spouse. It’s not a test! Rather, it’s a kind of questionnaire or inventory that helps you discover, share, and discuss how you think and feel about the most important aspects of your future life together, from family and children to finances and faith. Through a guided discussion afterward, you’ll find out where you agree and disagree, and why.

FOCCUS is a required part of the marriage preparation process, and we offer it as part of our parish-based program here at St. Lawrence. If you choose to attend an Engaged Encounter weekend where FOCCUS is not offered, you must register for FOCCUS online and have a follow-up discussion with a facilitator (there is a $50.00 non-refundable fee). If you attend a diocesan marriage preparation program, you will take FOCCUS online, and your follow-up discussion will take place during the marriage preparation sessions. The Diocese will contact you with instructions on how to take FOCCUS online, as soon as they receive your registration and payment.

Marriage FAQs

Q. What’s the difference between the sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church and civil marriage?
The difference is that in a Catholic sacramental marriage the couple enters into a life-long, unbreakable sacramental covenant with each other and God, whereas civil marriage is a legal contract between two individuals that can be broken in the future. However, when a couple celebrates the sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church, the state also recognizes this marriage as a legal contract.

Q. If we want to get married in the Catholic Church, what do we need to do first?
The first thing a couple needs to do is contact their local parish and set up a meeting with the priest or deacon who will advise and guide them in the marriage preparation process. This process includes FOCCUS and Marriage Preparation or Pre-Cana sessions or an Engaged Encounter retreat weekend and a follow up meeting with the priest or deacon.

Q. Is it necessary for us to receive the sacrament of Confirmation before getting married in the Catholic Church?
If at all possible, according to Canon Law, Catholics are strongly encouraged to receive the sacrament of Confirmation before getting married in the Catholic Church. However, it is not absolutely necessary nor an impediment to entering into the sacrament of marriage.

Q. What if one of us is not Catholic?
The priest or deacon, after meeting with you, will fill out the necessary forms for the required dispensation. If this is an interfaith marriage, we recommend attending a marriage preparation program designed especially for interfaith couples. (You will find this option on the drop-down menu for “Marriage Program Selection” on the online registration form.) However, if that is not possible, you can attend any Pre-Cana program and bring to the facilitator any questions you might have.

Q. What does Marriage Preparation or Pre-Cana include?
Marriage Preparation or Pre-Cana includes the FOCCUS instrument, followed by approximately 8 hours of marriage preparation sessions, which may be held on either weekends or weeknights, depending on schedules. The sessions include presentations by married couple facilitators; time for you and your fiancé to discuss important topics such as communication, conflict resolution, spirituality of marriage and family, marital intimacy, and more.

Q. Why is Pre-Cana necessary?
Pre-Cana is necessary because the Church has learned over the years how crucial it is, especially in our society today, to give engaged couples the support, formation, and instruction they need to meet the many challenges of living out the sacrament of marriage. We know that the family is the building block of our society and our Church, and the foundation of the family is a strong, healthy, and holy marriage.

Q. Do we have a choice where and when we take Pre-Cana?
Yes, you can participate in a Pre-Cana program either at your parish or at a diocesan location.

Q. Are there one–day Pre–Cana programs?
No. We have found through working with many engaged couples that more time is needed to discuss and reflect on the topics presented. Most couples find the time and effort they spend on their Pre-Cana program to be a gift to themselves, and a real help toward beginning a fruitful married life.

Q. How long before our wedding do we need to take Pre–Cana?
It is important for you to participate in the Pre-Cana sessions six months to a year before the wedding. Marriage preparation is a discernment opportunity for the engaged couple to understand more about their vocation to marriage and family life. It should not be left to the last minute.

Q. What is included in FOCCUS?
FOCCUS (Facilitate Open Caring Communication Understanding and Study) is a pre-marriage inventory that includes such topics as communication skills, lifestyle expectations, finances, spiritual values, financial issues, career, and children. Each of you responds separately to the questions in the inventory in an online format. After the inventory is scored, a trained facilitator presents the results and discusses them with you at a separate session, or during the marriage preparation session.

Q. Why is it necessary to participate in FOCCUS?
FOCCUS raises awareness about questions, attitudes, or issues that you may need to discuss further before you get married.

Q. We have much to prepare for our wedding day, but what are the most important ways we can prepare for a whole lifetime of marriage in the Catholic Church?
The most important ways you can prepare for married life in the Catholic Church is to take this period of your engagement to renew your own faith life by regular attendance at Sunday Mass, personal prayer, living out your faith in your day–to–day life, and by learning more about the spirituality of marriage in the Church.

What is Natural Family Planning?

Natural Family Planning (NFP) is a nearly 100-percent effective, easy-to-learn, natural approach to planning your family. Make no mistake: today’s NFP is not the “rhythm method”! Couples who practice NFP understand the biology and the theology of their bodies and can successfully promote or postpone pregnancy. While every child is a gift of God and married couples are called to be generous and open to life, NFP empowers them to responsibly postpone pregnancy or limit the size of their family. Only NFP preserves and protects the full truth and beauty of married sexuality as God intended: a union that is full, free, faithful, and fruitful. Learn more with our DVD, “Plan Your Family Naturally”.

Why should we use NFP?

• NFP is marriage insurance. Couples who use NFP have a divorce rate of less than 5 percent (compared to the national average of 50 percent).
• NFP is the best kept secret to building a long, lasting, and loving marriage because it fosters—and even requires—good communication skills from day to day.
• NFP is organic and natural and therefore has zero side effects: no artificial hormones and no barriers between you and your spouse. Perhaps most importantly, NFP cannot cause early abortions.
• NFP empowers you with a hands-on understanding and appreciation of God’s gift of fertility and how to know exactly what is happening in your body and why.
• NFP unites you to your spouse and allows you to open and commit yourself totally and unconditionally to one another without holding back that beautiful part of who you are: your fertility.
• NFP is in harmony with the teachings of the Catholic Church because it does not prevent the fullness of sexual union between you and your spouse. This union renews your sacrament of marriage because it is a total gift of self: you hold nothing back, including your fertility.
• NFP is reliable and 98-99 percent effective when used properly.
• NFP is practically free. It requires no pills or artificial devices.
• NFP is simple to learn and use and does not interfere with your body’s natural cycles. If you decide today that you want to try to get pregnant, you don’t have to wait months to start, unlike with hormonal contraceptives.

NFP Seminars

There are a variety of methods of NFP. The Diocese of Rockville Centre is pleased to present sessions to introduce interested couples to the Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System.

Using the Creighton Model FertilityCare System, couples are able to identify all days of fertility and infertility, and select to use these days depending on whether their intention is to achieve or to avoid pregnancy. Introductory sessions in this method are available through the Gianna Center of Long Island, a subsidiary of Catholic Health Services.

For more information visit www.chsli.org or call (631) 376-3232.